Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My liver just had a heart attack.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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