the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
