I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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