is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
