you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
ttyl tear gas
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
