It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
