think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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