there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
