I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
