Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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