My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think a kid would responsible me up
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
