First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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