Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
