Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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