I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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