like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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