in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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