my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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