i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
