i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
