were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
