The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
