I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
