maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
