i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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