Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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