if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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