I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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