Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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