I looked at my own cervix.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
