so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i now understand why vodka
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
