Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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