What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
