So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
