Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
