I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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