I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my poor anus
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
