i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
