a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
