ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
