Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
