Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
