So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
