I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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