i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
