i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
