is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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