Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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