Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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