there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
