I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
