I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
