dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
