Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
