Say something about gay babies.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
