Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
