the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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