My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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