i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
