You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
