On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
