I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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