So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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