My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
