I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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