He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
