I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize