Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
