So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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