yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
